I’ll have my say thank you very much
I’ve finally put finger to keyboard and started a blog. I’ve been talking about blogging for years. In fact I’ve been writing a blog for the last couple of months but it’s on the WeightWatchers website . Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against WeightWatchers (or WW as we fatties call it), they have been responsible for my dramatic weight loss and consequent return to my pre-pregnancy trousers (well, I will return to them once i’ve exhumed them from the attic and scraped the mould off) but I feel that my audience there may be rather limited. Furthermore I am in the happy position of being only 4lbs from my goal (that’s target weight to you non-fatties out there) and once I have reached this hallowed weight I will probably stop frequenting WW making my blog obsolete. I’m not sure that my current weight loss buddies will want to hear about my late night Pringle fuelled orgies and suchlike.
Anyway I have finally been forced to start a real life proper grown up blog because I have been in the papers! My appearance in the papers is entirely my own fault. Well also partly my Dads fault. You see my husband and I have moved to a small island in the inner Hebrides to try and become crofters. Not particularly interesting or newsworthy I hear you say. I would agree. The island only has 120 inhabitants – slightly more interesting………..o.k. we gave up our jobs as doctors to come here and now my husband is a school janitor……….vaguely interesting but I must say I’m still surprised the Scotsman wanted to publish it. They clearly didn’t think it was particularly interesting either as they had to give it a fabricated and sensationalised headline in order to make it in any way newsworthy
I would like to say that in no uncertain terms did either of us utter this rather ridiculous and frankly bizarre statement. We also didn’t utter a number of the things which we are quoted as having said in the article. Believe me if I ever have the misfortune to meet Moira Kerr face to face I will have absolutely no qualms over drowning her in the quagmire that has become our front garden following six solid months of rain.
The truth of the matter is though that we have given up our jobs as doctors (which commanded reasonably good salaries) to come here and try and make a living. Is this a moral outrage as suggested by some Scotsman readers? I don’t know. I went to medical school when I was 17 and I worked as a doctor for 9 years before I finally gave in and admitted it wasn’t for me. Is this a crime? Should all people who study for vocational qualifications be tied to that vocation for the rest of their life? Should the plasterer who almost won Masterchef be forced back to the plastering world and told never to darken the doorstep of commercial cookery again? – in my experience it is a lot harder to find a good plasterer than a good doctor. Mind you some of his flavour combinations were a bit out there.
For better of for worse here we are. Me, my husband Allan (although he’s not actually here right now, he’s on the mainland learning how to be a fireman) and our two children Helen (2) and Sally Bally Bee (6 months). Helen is currently sleeping (I hope, I have already had to go into her bedroom once this naptime to rescue her finger from where it had become entangled in the curtain). Sally is on her play mat engaged in a life and death struggled with her arch nemesis Captain Calamari – from the loud shrieks coming from the other side of the laptop screen he is putting up quite a fight.
As our croft doesn’t have a house we are living in a cottage which used to belong to my grandparents. In fact my parents lived here some 30 years ago when they gave up their jobs as teachers (what a waste) to come back to Colonsay and try to live off the land. I do have my concerns over my ability to live off the land. When I was 12 my parents timed me cutting some thistles, I lasted 8 minutes before the strenuous effort became too much for me. With retrospect I don’t know why I agreed to cut the thistles in the first place – had they offered to pay me? Was I the victim of some sort of child labour scam? Fortunately Allan is slightly better at the outdoorsy stuff than I am. We have many grand plans – campsite, coffee shop, gourmet packed lunch provision, gigantic yurt to hire out as a wedding venue……………. I’d like to keep a record of what we do here in this blog. For now though I must away. Bested by the scurvey sea knave Sally has returned to my lap and is now doing her best to make her own blog entry. I shall leave you with a rather better picture than the one chosen by the cretins at The Scotsman.