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Computer says no

The internet has gone off.  Obviously the smart among you will realise that the internet must now be back on –otherwise how would I be writing this.  But as of 4:34 am on Saturday morning the internet was most definitely off.  I still had 8 assignments to go last night when I was cut off in my prime.  I had already waded through 20 papers discussing wounds of medico legal importance when – bam!  Suddenly I was cut off from the outside world.  I didn’t know what to do.  Obviously my first thought was to Google the problem my helpful diagnostics program had identified……….. Oh no……… internet.  Since I couldn’t finish work my mind briefly turned to searching eBay for a couple of things I need……..oh no…….no internet.  I made my way through the living room and whinged at Allan for a few minutes…………he seemed unmoved.

Once I had come to terms with the fact that I had an unexpected evening to myself I had to decide what to do with it.  A brief search of the SKY box confirmed that those in charge of television scheduling are not trying to encourage the likes of me to stay at home and watch television on a Friday night.  Watching Andy Murry win again at Wimbledon briefly lifted my sprits but all too soon BBC 2 turned to coverage of some sort of flower show.  Allan was transfixed.  Yes it’s true – he was glued to the screen watching in fascination as Monty Don wandered round supping real ale and extolling the virtue of one sort of agapanthus over another (I don’t even know if that is the real name of the flower…………I’ll Google it……….oh no……no internet).  I went off to have a bath feeling increasingly grumpy.  When I came back I thought I would do some research into the housing required for Quails.  I think Quail eggs are just the thing the shop needs and since I’m now officially scared of geese and a friend tells me ducks are dirty Quails seem to be the only direction my aviary can go in.  However my intentions were scuppered again………no internet.

I was forced to read my book which was no real hardship.  I’m reading Game of Thrones which is very enjoyable, my enjoyment is doubled by the fact that I know that the next two parts of the trilogy are waiting on the bookcase for me.  I don’t deal with well suspense.

Sally woke up at 4:15 for a feed and as soon as I was awake my first thoughts turned to my beloved BT hub.  Would I once again be connected with the outside world?  I sat down on the sofa officially to wait for Sally to go back to sleep before creeping back to bed but really so I could switch on the laptop and check in on the outside world………….no!  I remain in IT isolation.  Probably a good thing at this time in the morning.  When Sally was tiny I went through a terrible phase of eBay shopping on my iphone during night feeds.  I would then forget all about my nocturnal purchasing until the parcels would arrive a few days later.  Poor Allan (he’s so stingy he makes Ebenezer Scrooge look like a philanthropist) was most dismayed.

It’s funny though.  On Colonsay I seem to depend on the internet even more than I did on the mainland.  In Edinburgh I would have texted my boss to say I couldn’t get online and could she let my students know.  Sadly here I have no signal and my phobia of the landline is almost equal to my fear of geese.  Even when my internet was down at home I always had the option of nipping in to work where I could be fairly certain that the good old NHS remained online.  Here I am at the mercy of BT.  I can’t even update my blog properly.  I have lots of very exciting things to blog about – watch this space – but I’m so preoccupied with lack of connectivity that my fingers refuse to type anything else.

Sally seems to have capitulated – I haven’t heard any gleeful shrieking or kicking of the side of the cot for a few minutes so I’m going to save this as a humble word file and creep back to bed (it’s now exactly 05:01 in case you are interested.  This post has not taken 27 minutes to compose.  I have also visited the bathroom and checked on the fridge which is defrosting all over the kitchen floor).  Fear not gentle reader – the fact that you are reading this is a clear indication that I am once again in touch with the outside world and hopefully I will find myself able to blog about something more interesting very soon.

I suppose they are quite pretty. Photo credit –


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7 thoughts on “Computer says no

  1. We kept quail when we lived in Bangor. They were very sweet but incredibly thick and everything wanted to eat them, including and eventually rats.

    • Oh Elly that’s horrible. Colonsay is pretty rat-tastic so Allan will have to make a ratproof enclosure for them. We do seem to have a very aggressive seagull hanging around the hen house now.

  2. I don’t cope well with lack of internet. On the train for our minimoon (hate that word) last week M and I had forgotten our books and though there was free wifi, as we were in the silent coach they had switched off the plug sockets so we could not charge our phones. We were lost and could not even talk to each other. Looking out the window was the only option. Weird how time alone to think has become something to avoid!

  3. Beth Piper on said:

    Having just spent last week (OK 4 days) looking after ducks and hens, I can tell you hens are definitely the more vicious of the species! On the first morning the ducks raced to greet me and when I fail to pick the direct route to their enclosure ran straight there to guide me to the grain bin. The next morning I had Muffin (wee dog) and they ran terrified and have been scared of me – minus Muffin – ever since even when I threw grain in front of them! The hens on the other hand were totally unforgiving – 8 a.m.? Where have you been? We’re starving, etc. One of them (possibly accidentally) either pecked or batted me with a wing when my back was turned, as if to say Get a move on then! Quails look cute and presumably eat less and could demand a rarity price in the tourist season perhaps? I didn’t find a single duck egg but the hens were productive. Is Fat Tracey still laying? The hens’ egg were delicious by the way.

  4. Beth Piper on said:

    eggs (plural) I meant

  5. I really enjoyed this, your writing is wonderful! I didn’t know that ducks were dirty, I think that if I’d given it any thought I’d have imagined them to be quite clean birds. Shows you how much I know. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog, it’s a hoot!

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